did i really just forget to shave one whole leg?
did i really just forget to shave one whole leg?
omg i fucking hate anxiety
it was a simple phone call. with my best friend. i shouldn’t feel this way. and now it’s just a simple text convo. with my fb. fuck this just had to get this off my chest
guess i’ll stop being lazy and take this appointment…and verify these new clients
so many requests for today also going over my fb’s place later tonight…just wish i hadn’t masturbated a million times last night…hope I’m just as horny later
Soon, I will be halfway in the real world (getting hired part time as an LMT at a spa…because this is necessary for various reasons) so I decided it was time to lightly blur my face in my ads and on my website. But I just couldn’t let go of my Selfies! page…so I made it password protected.
That’s right, I’m exclusive.
Signing an email with your real name for the first time in 8 months like
As I’ve gotten older, my fuck buddies’ dicks have gotten smaller. Not a bad thing, because big dicks were always uncomfortable and sometimes painful for me. Just…strange… And if this continues, judging by the size of my current fb’s, I might need to keep him around for a long while. #butthenwhat? #gobacktoanoldone? #ormarryhim? #teamaverage
As my plane departed from Barcelona, I started to cry silently. Maybe it was because I had been up all night, maybe it was because everything I had been feeling suddenly came together all at once…right there in my seat by the window.
As the plane took off, I pictured the last night with TheGerman. I remembered how secure I felt as we walked down the Spanish avenue to go to dinner. He loved the red dress I wore, and he always mentions how other people look at me as we walk together. I know that they’re really looking at us, but I don’t say that. I held on to that image in my head…the freedom that I felt, that I always feel when escorting. Because that is what I love.
Despite my recent experience with being more than ready to give up my job for the love of a person, despite that love causing me to think about the wives of my lying clients, despite my want to feel that love again and all the passion, desire, and beautiful ups and downs that it comes with… I’m not ready to give this up.
Being in love needs to be its own chapter…and from what I’ve read, that part of my life needs a lot of work.
I made a breakthrough last night while talking to my friend. I told him that I’m used to feelings being expressed through anger and hurt… I don’t feel a thing when things are calm. I always knew that, but it’s different when you actually speak the words.
Can you even fix something like that? I guess time will tell. But again, that’s another chapter…
Randomly woke up at 4am and listened to music. Still can’t sleep so I’m in the hotel lobby eating ChipsAhoy!. Think I’m still a little drunk…and TheGerman is upstairs snoring. I did have a nice time with him and the fellow escort. Will write about it later…when I know what my mind is doing
Good morning from Spain!
I arrived yesterday morning after meeting up with TheGerman in Amsterdam (we had the same connecting flight.) We walked around Plaça de Catalunya while waiting for our rooms to become available…he got me my own room for the first night because he knew I’d need some rest after my long day :). He’s so sweet!
We had breakfast this morning before he had to go to a meeting. I’m now chilling in the hotel, charging my phone and backup battery. About to go roam around for a bit towards El Raval.
Later, TheGerman and I are meeting for dinner with his other escort friend…and coming back to the hotel for his “experiment” as he likes to call it lol.
This espresso I’m sipping, combined with the coffee from breakfast, is starting to kick in, so once my battery is full, I’m off to explore!
You belong to the world…
Thought I wanted some dick, so I hit up my new fb… halfway through the conversation, I decided I wanted qdoba instead. it was good.
Thanks for reading :)
Don’t worry, I’m not deleting. I’m sure I’ll need this blog to vent when the urges to go back start creeping up on me. But that won’t be for a while, since I’m waiting to get steady income(s) from my future career(s) before I quit completely. As of right now, the plan is just to get a massage job and take down my ads (possibly my website too) by the end of the month…or whenever they expire. I’ve got a great base of regulars, so I’ll be seeing them for now….although I did no call/no show on one today. oops.
shiiiineon - I’m pretty torn. (Look out for a message from me in your inbox, if you don’t mind sharing your experience?) For a while, I didn’t want to believe that what inspired me to want out was the guy I was seeing. My job caused tons of problems to arise between us, despite the fact that he accepted it in the beginning. When my plan to get out wasn’t moving fast enough, things only got worse. We are still friends as of right now, but my feelings are still very strong. I’m trying to tell myself that I’m not doing it in hopes that we’ll end up together… so I’m creating distance as far as talking to him goes. I want to do this for me. As much as I loved the job while it lasted, I’m ready for a new challenge…new experiences.
cookiemonsterwillkillyou - yep. that’s the move! I start classes in September. Until then, I’m working on putting my massage license to good use and have been getting my resume out there. I have an interview at a spa tomorrow actually :). Not to mention, I have a pretty exciting entrepreneurial opportunity in the mix :D.
lovelanababy - Thanks, girl! <3
i’m getting out.
I’m thinking after my trip to Barcelona with the German.